There are a few different choices out there today if you are looking to get a new turbine...they come from all over the place...but these are the only ones that come from the True Home Of Performance... ITALIA! I mean, just say it to yourself: "ITALY!" ...immediately, your tongue begins to salivate...not just because of the fresh mozzarella and the canelloni, but because Italians make the MOST BEAUTIFUL, HIGHEST PERFORMING MACHINES IN THE WORLD.' Face it...no kid ever dreamt of having a freaking Dodge Stratus when they grew up...the poster on the wall was of a Ferrari, Lamborghini, or Bugatti. Even just typing those very names get the blood boiling, notice how your computer runs a little faster with those words on the screen? It's true...your computer WISHES it was made in Italy, instead of being some drumpy product of Far Eastern drone-workers. If Bugatti made a computer, you could bet it would be faster and more beautiful than any other, and for sure, it would be a beautiful blue color, not some drab black plastic like a common doorstop. I mean, you can buy a turbine made in GERMANY, they are fine, in a mundane, workaday kind of way, like a Mercedes, which is commonly used a a TAXI in many countries...they are fine, reliable choices for colorless middle-manager types that work for Mittelstand-type industrial machinery corporations like Werner and Pfleiderer in Dusseldorf, who just want to go back and forth to work to and from their cookie-cutter cement houses every day, until they retire or go postal and take out the whole neighborhood...I mean, that's fine, if that's all you want out of life, basic German-type transportation and German-type style...when you say "style" and "German" in the same sentence, that's like saying "love song" and "German" in the same sentence, it just does not work..."ICH LIEBE DU" sounds like a gutteral military command, like "THE PRISONERS ARE ESCAPING!" Now try it in Italian: Say "Amore." Now say "Italia." See how those words just flow together, like champagne sipped from an expensive Ferragamo shoe, just slipped from the foot of a nubile young Genoese Marquesa? And you are going to buy a GERMAN engine over an ITALIAN? Suit yourself...they are OK engines, those Cherman ones, until you need service...I once had a Mercedes, when it went to the shop, it was always seven-hundred-and-fifty dollars for an alternator bearing, and it had to be special ordered from Aschwascher, Germany, and it took months. I swear, it was the automotive equivalent of an upside-down mortgage, that car was worth more dead as parts than alive as a car. Plus, my mechanic, who called himself not a mechanic, but a SPECIALIST, whose name was ATTILA(no, really, it was) put at least one of his kids through an expensive private college on the bills for my car alone. But, hey, suit yourself, if you want to buy a German engine. Don't blame ME if you get stuck in the mud just 18 miles from Moscow... You could also buy one of those new, cheap engines made in Taiwan. Really exciting turn of a phrase, isin't it? "Made in Taiwan". Imagine a whole army of faceless Taiwanese salarymen in identical cheap black business suits, carrying identical cheap black vinyl briefcases, all marching in formation towards a cold grey building full of cubicles, all droning "Made in Taiwan...Made in Taiwan...Made in Taiwan" in unison. And you are going to stick that in your lovely, lovely new jet? Mmmmmmmmmmmkay! Think about this...no kid ever said to his Father: "Say, Pop, can I borrow your HYUNDAI to take Suzie to the prom, instead of my Ferarri? I want to make a good impression on her!" So go ahead. Buy that Taiwanese engine. People may laugh at you. Probably quietly, behind your back. You may face some bemused, superior smiles from some owners of Fine Eyetalian Machinery, as they called that stolen Maserati on "the Sopranos." You might also buy a turbine made in Mexico. Mexico is well known for making high performance machinery...such as...um...well...I think they still make original Volkswagen Beetles there, right? I'm pretty sure. Might be they stopped in the Nineties. I'd have to Google it up. Anyway, the 40hp Beetle is a perfect example of cutting-edge Mexican high tech, it could positively EAT a Vespa scooter in a drag race...as long as the Vespa had both an Italian AND his two girlfriends on it. But, hey, feel free to buy one of those Mexican engines. Buy some marshmallows to roast behind it, too, those things make some nice flames... You could also buy a proper BRITISH engine. Which will have been hand-hewn from select aged oak from the Forest of Nottingham, by fine Engelish Craahftsmen who have all served long apprenticeships and have learned the secrets of unreliability that can only be passed down from generation to generation and take several hundred years to fully mature, like the grass in front of Bletchley Manor. No other nation has such a hallowed tradition of creating machines that are backwards, finicky, and require special Whitworth tools to repair. Jaguar has recently reached a new level of acheivement, in having taken the BOTTOM THREE spots for relaibility in the latest J.D. Powers and Associates survey of automobile reliability. Three new models, the three top spots for unreliability. There was a $2500 Pakistani-made two-stroke microcar with a plywood body that placed higher than the three Jags. That's sad. But, hey, have at it, mate! Which brings us to fair Italy. Who invented pizza. You like pizza, right? So, in the tradition of pizza, Maserati, Bugatti, Lamborghini, Ferrari, DeTomaso, Macchi, Beretta, Da Vinchi, and all the other storied Italian craftsmen, we bring you the Testarossa series of engines. "Testarossa" means "redhead" in Italian. Have you ever met a redhead you did not like? Except maybe Bobby Flay, but he's not Italian? The answer is "no." Redheads are awesome.
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